


Implication of Reality

by WinterQueen



Category: EXO, K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Psychological, dubcon, mute character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 22:47:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3995977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterQueen/pseuds/WinterQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because he needs him, but he's not sure of it any more.<br/>(In which Kai takes care of Taemin in the shadows, and no one knows because he doesn't exist. He only exists in Taemin's mind.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Implication of Reality

Today seems like a strangely perfect day. A homeless old man found a bill that will fund him for three weeks, and a pair of young lovers found themselves as the new winners of the lottery.

All that remain imperfect was the ragged picture of the outskirts of the metropolitan, Seoul. He treks through the dirty, murky mud in the shadows, the sun ignoring the dark spots beneath the roofs.

He just got back from work today, and the monotonous clicking of glasses get on his nerves more than he wants to admit.

The flashy lights from a quite suspicious club caught his eye, and he enter to the loud bass echoing in the small room packed with people. The girls in there all wore revealing shirts and short skirts, and one of them slinks her way up to him, and put her arms around his hip, her left hand travelling up his shirt. She nuzzled his neck softly. "Oppa...dance with me?" Her innocent and large eyes contrasted with the little cloth she has on, and he pushed her off gently. "No." He said gruffly.

The people in the club looks all the same, their unrestrained movements hindered by the mass amount of people in here. However, for some reason, the boy at the other end of the counter attracted his attention, causing him to turn his way. The boy's swaying to the music sensually, but he still didn't leave his seat. He took a sip from his drink occasionally, but completely ignore the people around him.

By the time he had been able to push pass the crowd to the pretty boy, he had already left, his figure lost in the music.

 

The next evening, Taemin was nursing a hangover in his bed from last night, a cup of warm water gripped tightly in his hands. The phone had rang multiple times already, his boss calling him for his unexplained lateness.

It was only after the fifth phone call that he suddenly remembered that he has work today. He threw on his wrinkled suits and ties in a hurry, and stuffed his dress shoes in his backback. The front door closed with a loud squeaking sound, and he reminded himself to oil his door when he comes back at five.

The bar is not too shabby, but not one of those that serve 200,000 won for a bottle. He works in the backstage, where the bad singers would prepare for the stage, but sometimes, he'll serve up the costumers in the front.

Today's no different. The costumers screaming for him to "hurry the hell up!"echoing in bar every few minutes. His deft hands worked on the drinks furiously, occasionally slipping in a pill or so to drug them. A hand tapped him on the shoulder, and he jumped nervously, almost slipping the drink in the process. "We need you in the back. "Jonghyun whispered.

"How much?"He whispered back.

He smiled at him coyly. "1,000, 000won." He grinned victoriously.

Tarmin stifled a silent curse. Shit. That's gonna support his family for at least a month. He nodded, and slipped back.

He knows that 'the back' is not the backstage. This is the dark secret that most costumers and workers don't know.

To his disappointment, the man is not akinny or beautiful at all.

The forty something man pounds into his relentlessly. The slaps and punches doesn't even register with him over the pained of being split open. His gives no thoughts to Taemin's comfort, just continues to hurt him with out pity.

The man leaves him there, on the beautiful white sheets that was stained over and over again.

He lies there, staring up in a daze at the ceiling. He barely heard the knock on the door, but the door creaked when it was opened.

A dark skinned boy entered quietly. Tarmin sat up quickly, and covered himself. He winced at the blinding pain on his lower back." Are you my next costumer?" He rasped.

The boy's eyes widened, and quickly shook in denial. "No, no no. I'm just trying to help you." The child held up a hand holding the soap and brushes.

Taemin lied back down. "No one has helped me before..." He murmured quietly, closing his eyes in comfort as the soft hand trailed down to his feet.

He didn't see the flinch that racked the boy's body. "What's your name, child?"

The boy's hand stopped. "Kai." He continued to wash him.

Taemin smiled in amusement. "It's not your real name, though, Kai."

Kai bit his lips nervously. "Sunbae, you should go change in the washroom." He magically produced a pair of jeans and white shirt, and handed to him.

Taemin limped to the washroom silently, his feet not making a sound. This is not the first time he got hurt like this, though it's the first that someone tried to help him.

He looked in the mirror drowsily, and padded out. There's a familiar man waiting for him at the changed bed.

"Hyung." Taemin smiles at him gratefully, although the motion makes the bruises on his face hurt.

Lee Jinki rushed to him in worry, his hand checking him for more injuries. Taemin pushed them away gently. "I'm fine, hyung."

He looks at him doubtfully, and made a bunch of hand motions that made Taemin dizzy. None the less, Taemin smiled at him again, though this time it looks more geniune. "Let go back, hyung. There's no more costumers for tonight."

Jonghyun's waiting for you to go home with him. Jinki signed. Your shift ended just now.

Taemin blinked at him. It felt like not even an hour has passed yet. "Okay." He replied dumbly, and trekked to the front door. He was instantly blinded by the choking scent of smoke, and he cursed angrily. "Kim Jonghyun!" He hissed.

Jonghyun smirked at him. "Time to go home, Taeminnie!" He said cheerfully, throwing away the cigar butt mindlessly.

 

The coffee shop is just around the corner, hidden between two intimidatingly tall buildings. At the rush hours, businessmen and women would take all the tables, chatting mindlessly before leaving like a swarm of bees.

He nurses the warm cup in his cup, taking in the tiny interior of the shop silently. The rush hour just past, and the employees are busy scrubbing and collecting the garbage left over.

The shop only contains if him, the employees, and one other silhouette that still haven't showed his face. There's something nagging at him in the back of his head that's saying he knows him.

Carrying his coffee, he padded over to him slowly, and tapped him on his shoulder. The boy turned at a speed that should give him whiplashes, and beamed at him. "Taemin-hyung!"

Taemin looks taken back. "... Kai?" He confirmed hesitantly. At his nodded, he pulled out a chair across him. "Did you eat lunch?"

Kai shook his head. "Nah. I can't."

Taemin rolled his eyes. Of course a newbie was listen to the boss. "I'm gonna buy some. What do you want to eat?" he probably doesn't have enough money to buy it.

His face lit up like a child that just received a red envelope. He couldn't help but think that Kai looks absolutely adorable with his face scrunched up like that.

 

The next days of work, Kai shows up again and again, always after a particularly rough client is done with him.

A week later, Kai approaches Taemin while he was changing, stumbling as if he was drunk. "Hyuuung." He slurred drunkenly, and collapsed on top of him like a broken marionette. Taemin stumbled, and righted himself again." You're so pretty..."

He sighed. "Yes, Kai?"

"Take me home..." He suddenly whimpered. "Take me home, hyung. Charge!" He raised an arm as if to say go, but it barely reached his hip before collapsing back.

Taemin sighed. "Kai, why are you drunk?"

However, all he received was a loud snore. He received a few weird looks from Jonghyung and the others, but he chalked it up to the fact that he was helping a costumer.

 

Taemin dumped him on his cot, and went to the small area he calls kitchen. He takes out a kettle, and started boiling some water.

Fifteen minutes later, the shrill sound of the kettle woke Kai from his drunken slumber, and Taemin rose to get it.

Kai's hand suddenly shot up, and clenched his hand around Taemin's sweatpants. "Stay..." He muttered.

Taemin pried it open as gently as he could. "I'm just going to get the kettle, Kai." However, the hand continues up and under his shirt. Taemin shivers. No one has touched him lightly like that, like a feather dancing over his skin.

He flops back down, pliant on the bed, controlled by Kai's touches as his intensity increased.

They danced to the most intimate music that night, the kettle forgotten as it bubbles over.

 

There's a four inch scar on Taemin's abdomen. It's a grotesque, jagged and bumped line that runs through his bellybutton to his left hipbone that's normally covered by concealer.

He hates it.

But he falls apart now, nothing on his mind other than Kai's touches and kisses that sends fire cursing through his veins. "You are perfect, we are perfect, I am perfect." Kai repeats it like a mantra as Taemin grips him tightly in his arms.

 

The next he goes to work is two months later, after he is starving for his friends and the familiar bar environment. Kai walks beside him, his hands stuck in the pockets of a pair of jean Taemin borrowed him.

"Coffee?" He suggested, stopping in front of the coffee shop he frequently visits.

"Sure."

 

"Hyung." He greets as Jinki comes to inspect the backstage. There's a duo going up soon, the girl's already prepared, the glittery makeup like a phoenix ready to fly. Her brother's with Jonghyun in the front, getting some last minute drinks.

Jinki stops in front of him, and waves his hand in a series of motions. 'Where were you?'

Taemin shuffled his feet nervously. 'Home.' He flashed back, the hand position for home coming as naturally as eating.

Jinki sighed in exasperation. 'After the performance, you've gotten another costumer in the back.' 

The mic squeaked in protest as Jonghyun picks it up. "Come on ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome Akdong!" He winked, and the old curtains opened with a flourish.

Taemin ignored it, and proceeded back. The only comfort is that he can see Kai again.

 

The next night, they sat at a table outside a noodles shop, Taemin's arm slung across his shoulders protectively. Kai stares at the sky unblinkingly, his knees drawn up to his chest.

The pollution hid the stars from view, but he has a feeling it would be beautiful.

"They look kinda lonely, don't you think?" Kai asked suddenly.

Taemin shot out an arm to steady himself. "Lonely...?" He repeated. "Why would they be lonely?" He glanced up to the sky, where he can barely see one star. The lone star pulses weakly, the light fighting to shine through.

"Don't you think so? They get to be up there, watching the common people like you live their life, yet they are never included. They seem so close, yet so far apart in the universe. Maybe, the star we see now is dead already. They are seen, but at what price?" The stars twinkled coldly, listening to their conversation.

 

He woke up from dark shapes and running red rivers and the taste of nightmare on his tongue to the whisper of a voice in his ear.

He blinks drowsily, looking down at the man- no not yet a man, a boy. "It's your fault." Kai whispered. "It's all your fault." The boy caresses Taemin's cheek as if it will break any moment, like porcelain.

Taemin suddenly seized up with a whisper of pain in his body. He put his head in his hand painfully, kneading it furiously. "It's all your fault."

Taemin tugs at the hair on his scalp violently, the strands ripped away and fluttering down to the bed. "It's not my fault..." He whispered, although he has no idea what he himself is talking about.

"It's all your fault." Kai repeated, suddenly lurching forward and pressing his lips to Taemin's. "It's all your fault."

His heartbeat pounded in his ear, the rush blocking put any other noises. "I hate you..." Kai hissed. His fingers raked across Taemin's face harshly, breaking skin in the process. He sobbed loudly. "I hate you I hate you I hate you It's all your fault!"

"It's not my fault..." Taemin whispered painfully, the blood still dripping down his face. His hands roamed the other's body, searching for security.

Kai suddenly calmed, slumping sown like his energy is all gone. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." He repeated like a mantra, his arms tightly around Taemin's waist.

He didn't say anything. He just gripped him just a bit tighter, and drawn himself a bit closer.

 

When he was a child, he was a little curious thing that makes trouble everywhere he goes.

His biggest mystery, waiting to be solved, was the boarded off house that seemed to have residents, yet the door never opened.

Perhapse it was stupidity, perhapse it was fate, he walked cautiously to the front door one day, and knocked on the door.

(His parents go bankrupt the next day, and they wither away like dying flowers.)

 

"Taemin, who are you talking to?"

His head whipped around in panic, finding the door ajar, and Kibum standing in the doorway with Jonghyun hanging off his arm.

Kibum studies the man in front him, his hair tussled and his face hidden in his hands. There's a boiled over kettle beside him, the water long since dried up.

Taemin scrubs his face harshly, the dried blood coming off his face. "Kai..."

Kai hugs him a bit tighter than before, and Taemin pries the fingers loose gently.

Kibum is suddenly in front of him, and a thin finger under his chin tilted his head up. "Who did this to you?" He demanded, gesturing violently at the bloody scrapes on his face.

Taemin turned away from his brother-like figure petulantly. "No one..."

"Who's Kai?" There's an intense look in Jonghyun's eyes, and they all instantly pause.

Taemin stares up them with such a hurt expression that they cringed. "He was here the whole time, and you didn't notice?"

Kai rubbed his knuckles into his back, the knots loosening with each push.

"Who?!" There's such a bewildered expression on their expression. He felt fear creeping up his back, the black flames licking at his mind.

"There's no one there, Taeminnie. Are you okay?" Kibum asked worriedly.

His breath escaped with a gasp, and he back up to the wall like a cornered animal.

 

He stays curled up against the wall, even after they left, failing to get a reaction from him. His breathes raggedly, his chest heaving with each effort to get oxygen into his lungs.

Kai hovers worriedly in front him, but every single time he tries to go near him, he just swaps him away. He kept his head between his knees, and he stays in the fetal position and he heaves and chokes in the reality that is an illusion.

"Get out of my head...." He whispers.

Kai shrinks back, as if struck. "But I'm real." He protested. "I love you, you're not crazy."

Taemin shook his head furiously, his fingers raking across his scalp. "No you are not real. You are my imagination. You are not real!"

"I love you." He insisted. "You love me."

He wants to draw a blind, he wants to rip his eyes and ear out, (he doesn't want to hear this). He tears at his skin, the red lines, crisscrossing and strangely beautiful.

He doesn't want this, he never did.

But he throws caution out the window, and throws himself into the world of perfection and him and Kai.

 

"Hello, my hame is Kim Jongin. We'll be best friends!" The child says cheerfully, taking the older boys hand in his, and the tall grass swallows them whole as they run freely.

 

The world would be beautiful as they stay in the dark room.

There would be an eternal beauty in him, the bronze skin and the intense eyes making a perfection of a man.

He would whisper sweet nothings into his ear, the hand dancing across his skin.

They would say "I love you" even when they're not real, him drugged with things, and Kai would flicker in and out of reality.

But this is his heaven, his paradise.

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by Broken Anchor on LJ.  
> No plagiarism intended


End file.
